ADVERSITY. What made you run from your life and what brought you back to the mainstream? by Carissa Phelps
by Carissa Phelps
ADVERSITY. It’s said, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Try this. Start life on the street as a runaway at 12. Sell your body. Live hand to mouth. Grow up in the alleys. Now without a get out of jail free card, try saving your own soul, retraining your brain, changing your destiny at age 14. Carissa Phelps shares her story in film - a reel real life. Watch a girl go from vessel to virtue, from hand out to arm’s up. As Mercury News recently reported, asked by a girl in San Jose "How . . . how was it like for you to go through all that and still not feel bad about yourself?" Phelps leaned toward her and said, "That´s a good question. I believed that I was going to make it out."
WOMEN AS CURRENCY (See The Video)
Interview by Sue Van Der Hout
What made you run from your life and what brought you back to the mainstream?
What made me run? Knowing that there was something better out there than the way I was being treated at home. A lack of coping of mechanisms when I was growing up. All I knew how to do was fight. Fight or run. At home we were hit for no reason and it was a very stressful environment. My parents let my brothers beat up on me. In order to settle a disagreement we were told to fight. It was a stressful environment to grow up in.
| Fight or run. At home we were hit for no reason and it was a very stressful environment. |
When my step dad propositioned my sister for sex, it made me really afraid. I’m not back in the mainstream. I came for a visit to Fresno again to figure out how things work…I went to college to figure out how things work. I wanted to help in places where I grew up and help people I knew….but I wouldn’t say I’m in the mainstream. Mainstream people don’t understand me. They appreciate me, I think, but they don’t really understand. Just like I don’t understand the mainstream. If there is a mainstream, who knows. We all have our history.
What did life on the street do to you and for you?
To me…it nearly destroyed me. For me, I realized that under any circumstances I can overcome. I can survive. I’m strong. It nearly killed me, but it gave me strength because I survived it.
| What did life on the street do to you and for you? To me…it nearly destroyed me. For me, I realized that under any circumstances I can overcome….It nearly killed me, but it gave me strength because I survived it. |
How did you define success 10 years ago?
Success for me has always been very personal, about where I am in my life. If I feel like I’m taking more than I’m giving, then I’m not very happy. Growing up I thought that you had success when you graduated from college and had a job. I didn’t think what was inside of me mattered in the world. What mattered is what I did, and what I was told to do was get a college degree and a job. At 21 I was also in a very abusive relationship, so true success to me was living to the next day, but on a grander scale. When I looked at other people, the ones that were successful were the ones that had jobs, had things.
| If I feel like I’m taking more than I’m giving, then I’m not very happy. Growing up I thought that you had success when you graduated from college and had a job. |
How do you define it now?
I see people that have centeredness and focus and a vision as a success. Whether they’re working on Skid Row for nothing, or on Wall Street, it’s the Warren Buffets and the Mother Teresas, the ones that are really focused and understand what they’re trying to do. For some people it’s giving back, and for other people it’s other things. There are different realms, but I think success is very personal. You have to realize that the most important thing is what you personally bring to the table. Be honest with yourself and the world, and be honest about what you can and can’t do. Truth in yourself -- being true to the good that everyone has within themselves -- is how you succeed.
| … it’s the Warren Buffets and the Mother Teresas, the ones that are really focused and understand what they’re trying to do.
For some people it’s giving back, and for other people it’s other things. There are different realms, but I think success is very personal. |
How was law school and the practice of law different from the street? The same? Law school’s very similar to the streets! Law school is very stressful and competitive. This is a perfect example: When I was 12 years old living on the streets, I would get hives all over my body. Stress triggers this reaction within me, and I learned this at a young age. Whenever I was stressed, I would break out in hives. Then, when I went to law school, my first day of class I got a hive. By finals I was covered in them! Stress and competition is not something I really like, but obviously it’s prominent in law school, and in the streets. My body taught me that! You have to compete to survive, whether it’s with your peers on an academic level or your peers on the streets.
| Law school’s very similar to the streets.... Stress and competition is not something I really like, but obviously it’s prominent in law school, and in the streets. My body taught me that! You have to compete to survive, whether it’s with your peers on an academic level or your peers on the streets. |
Did you ever sense that you had a life path?
Always. I always sensed that I had a life path. I felt that I was off my life path a lot, and knowing that I had one made it easier to get back on. You have to know there’s something better when you hit that low. I feel that I am supposed to take my experience and share it in order to help others who have gone through it, and prevent them from having to keep going through it. I’m supposed to break the silence. With sexual exploitation, it grips us because we can’t talk about it. It’s a death sentence. We can’t talk about it. Even internally, we can’t talk about it with ourselves. I want to help people find their voice.
| I feel that I am supposed to take my experience and share it … I’m supposed to break the silence. With sexual exploitation, it grips us because we can’t talk about it. It’s a death sentence. We can’t talk about it…. we can’t talk about it with ourselves. I want to help people find their voice. |
Why does giving back matter to you?
It should matter to everyone! It’s the way that you feed your spirit. It’s not removable, when you’re born you’re not given the choice if you have a spirit or not, it’s there. If you deny it -- helping others -- you feel starved spiritually. Either you look for some other way to satisfy that or you give back. It’s what makes us human.
| If you deny it -- helping others -- you feel starved spiritually. |
Where do you draw your strength from and what makes you stand tall now? I draw my strength from my experience in the world, and from the people that love me, the people that give me constant reminders of how strong I am. Sometimes they tell me that and I don’t think anything of it, but the moment that I feel weak, that’s when I remember how strong I am. The way my friends see me, that’s how I remember to see myself when I feel really weak. Am I standing tall now? I’m overwhelmed with the amount of love and support and attention that this issue is getting, and I’m really brought to tears of happiness every time I think about it. When I figure out how to operate all of this good will around me, I think I’ll be standing tall. I need to deal with the success, and I think I’m starting to. I really think so.
| When I figure out how to operate all of this good will around me, I think I’ll be standing tall. I need to deal with the success, and I think I’m starting to. I really think so. |
01.05.2008
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